Author Brad Meltzer

THE SOPRANOS
Reviewed by Brad Meltzer
(These reviews originally appeared on e.findlaw.com, and the best part of the deal was, Brad got to watch each episode a week early!)

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March 19, 2000
EPISODE 10: Hypocrite, Schmypocrite—What's In It For Me?

Here's the opening scene of this week's episode: Tony stares at a merry-go-round and notices a little boy crying for his mother. Cut to a flashback of Tony plugging mobster wannabe Matt full of bullets (Tony killed him last episode). Both the young boy and Matt are yelling for their Mommies. In the flashback, Tony pulls the trigger. In the present, hoping to redeem himself, Tony helps the little kid until mom shows up, then pats himself on the back for his two full minutes of model citizenship. So, now, dear reader, YOU MAKE THE CALL:

Was Tony:

a. being a hypocrite
b. being a hypocrite
c. being a hypocrite
d. being a hypocrite

That's right—the answer is c—being a hypocrite! It's this week's recurring theme, and the writers were clearly having fun with it. Indeed, when it comes to the star-studded Hypocrite of the Year Awards, Tony is clearly taking home Best Actor. It starts right from the word "go, already!" and only gets worse.

But rather than give you, my loyal readers, the usual character-by-character analysis of all the thematic hypocrite moments, I've decided to give you a character-by-character analysis of all the thematic hypocrite moments WITH A CHART! Oh, yeah, you remember—when you were little, waiting to open your birthday presents—you'd shake the box ruthlessly and pray, "Please let it be a chart!" Well, now, Cubby, it is- so without further ado:

BRAD'S HANDY GUIDE TO THE HYPOCRITES CHART
(to be used only with Episode 10 of the Sopranos, Season Two)

Character Sez	Character Does
Tony says about his son A.J., "Someone needs to teach that kid...how not to be involved with the wrong people."	As a mobster, Tony is "the wrong people." Duh.
Tony considers David his childhood friend since tenth grade.	When David owes him money, Tony (rather than helping his friend) takes over David's sporting goods store, orders products he knows David can't afford, and then confiscates and resells everything, from bottled water, to running shoes to bright red coolers.
Tony says he wants to be a better, more understanding father.	Tony misses A.J.'s swim meet.
Carmela tells Tony to stop cheating on her (while reading Memoirs of a Geisha for support!)	Carmela has a passionate kiss with the wallpaper man who's redoing her dining room (when they check out the bathroom together, she asks, "So whattya think, should I just maybe do something sorta plainish...[their eyes lock...they get closer]...just grass cloth maybe...Oh, Jesus!").
Restaurant owner Artie Bucco always tries to run a clean, safe restaurant.	That fancy bottled water he's serving—it just came off the back of a truck.That fancy bottled water he's serving—it just came off the back of a truck.</td>
Paulie tries on a pair of bright white running shoes.	He's a mobster!
Uncle Joon watches soap operas on TV. (While watching: "Did she just say she was knocked up? Aw, f**k, I turn my head for one second and they slip one in on you.") /td>	He's a mobster! (which is why Richie gives him his own cooler and a pair of sneakers: "Wanna try them on? They got lights on the bottom.")
Uncle Joon jumps down Richie's throat for saying a bad word about Tony. ("He's my nephew!")	Last season, Uncle Joon tried to have Tony killed!
Tony decides to make a donation to charity.	He gives the money to paraplegic Beansy (who doesn't want the dirty money) and FORCES him to take it and donate it (or else—know what I'm sayin'?)
Tony's happiest moment comes when he's sitting in the bathroom and he finds out he's not going to be prosecuted.	It's the same bathroom where Carmela cheated on him earlier in the episode (not hypocritical, but pretty ironic, no?)

By the time the show's over, we realize that the merry-go-round in the beginning wasn't just a cool locale for a scene—it's the entire point: every one of these characters is going in circles—saying one thing and just as quickly doing another. And to make sure we don't miss the symbolism, the writers beat it into our heads with the masters-of-all-eighties-bands, Journey (Journey!) playing their classic "Wheel in the Sky" ("The wheel in the sky keeps on turrrrrninnn'..."). The song shows up when Carmela's about to cheat on her husband, and then again right after the torrid affair takes place.

Of course, like all great hypocrites, the Sopranos can't help themselves. Chatting with David, Tony explains that he KNOWINGLY let David gamble (while banking on the fact that David would sink deeper into debt). When David asks why, Tony replies that it's his nature—and then adds, "This is how I make a living. This is my bread and butter." Well, as my mother likes to say, "Feh." This is his childhood friend from tenth grade! This is what Tony does to someone he likes!?

And to make sure we get the point (as if Journey isn't enough), Tony confesses to his daughter Meadow, "I tell people you're like your mother, but you're all me." Meadow looks at her dad, grins that dark Soprano grin, and replies, "Sometimes...we're all hypocrites."

So will the merry-go-round ever end? For Carmela, it does when her huggy-bear wallpaper man doesn't show up for a second visit (and what's playing in background? How about a little Shania Twain singing "Still the One").

Now what about Tony? Once again, you make the call: Throughout the episode, Tony's son A.J. gives every indication that he hates his dad's ways. Cut to the final scene: Tony and A.J. are on their huge fishing boat, their hair is blowing in the wind—the sun shines, father and son are together—it's the perfect postcard of Tony's new attitude. Then, A.J asks if he can drive. Tony says no, it's illegal. "C'mon, no one's gonna see," A.J. begs. Here's the moment we're waiting for: will he let his son break the law or will he stand strong? It doesn't take a genius to know the answer.

Instantly, a goofy grin takes Tony's face and he literally shoves his son behind the wheel. Throttling the boat, the father and son team go so fast, they tip over a nearby canoe. No care for anyone but themselves. Like father, like son. And as the credits get ready to roll, Journey comes back for an encore: "The wheel in the sky keeps on turrrrrninnn'..."

LAW-BREAKING MOMENT OF THE WEEK:
Giving Uncle Joon those sneakers with the lights on 'em. Please—he knows those babies are hot.

© Brad Meltzer

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