Character Profiles


BEN ADDISON

Occupation: Supreme Court clerk

Birthplace: Newton, Massachusetts

Favorite movie: (tie) Annie Hall, Lost in America

What you eat for breakfast: Quick glass of orange juice

Favorite physicist: Albert Einstein

Turn-offs: Trite, corny questionnaires

If you had a dog, what would you name it? Mr.Clarence

If you were a superhero, cape or no cape? Cape

Favorite president: Thomas Jefferson

Most important issue facing the planet today: Lack of faith in the political system

Biggest farm animal you’ve ever seen: Cow

Have you ever dyed your hair? No

Last sexual encounter: Female co-worker undressed me with her eyes

LISA MARIE SCHULMAN

Occupation: Supreme Court clerk

Birthplace: Los Angeles, California

Favorite movie: Raising Arizona

What you eat for breakfast: Two slices of whole-wheat toast

Favorite physicist: Marie & Pierre Curie

Turn-offs: Frat boys, know-it-all political columnists who really don’t know dick, and bumper stickers (even cool ones)

If you had a dog, what would you name it? Ben

If you were a superhero, cape or no cape? Cape

Favorite president: Andrew Jackson

Most important issue facing the planet today: Lighten up!

Biggest farm animal you’ve ever seen: Cow

Have you ever dyed your hair? No

Last sexual encounter: Male co-worker had creative, but pathetic fantasy about me

ERIC STROMAN

Occupation: Newspaper reporter, Washington Herald

Birthplace: New York City, New York

Favorite movie: Heathers

What you eat for breakfast: Nothing

Favorite physicist: Louis Pasteur

Turn-offs: Bubble-gum-pop music and snotty hosts at trendy restaurants

If you had a dog, what would you name it? Nixon

If you were a superhero, cape or no cape? Cape

Favorite president: Teddy Roosevelt

Most important issue facing the planet today: Censorship

Biggest farm animal you’ve ever seen: Horse

Have you ever dyed your hair? No

Last sexual encounter: Define “encounter”

NATHAN HOLLISTER

Occupation: State Department employee

Birthplace: Newton, Massachusetts

Favorite movie: Three Days of the Condor

What you eat for breakfast: Scrambled eggs (as long as they’re not too runny)

Favorite physicist: Sir Isaac Newton

Turn-offs: Rewearing your dress shirts without dry-cleaning them; antiques

If you had a dog, what would you name it? Zeus

If you were a superhero, cape or no cape? No cape

Favorite president: Woodrow Wilson

Most important issue facing the planet today: Our foreign policy with China

Biggest farm animal you’ve ever seen: Cow

Have you ever dyed your hair? No (and if Ober says “No,” he’s lying)

Last sexual encounter: Define “sexual”

OBER

Occupation: Legislative Assistant, Senator Paul Stevens

Birthplace: Brooklyn, New York

Favorite movie: Cannonball Run, Leprechaun, anything with Scott Baio

What you eat for breakfast: Count Chocula, or Apple Jacks mixed with Corn Pops

Favorite physicist: Olaus Roemer (look it up, smart guy)

Turn-offs: Fake tans, scrunchies, BMWs, cranberry juice, nose jobs, smart-ass banter on poorly written TV shows, bandwagon jumpers (you know who you are), the guy who cut me off at the Dairy Queen the day I got my driver’s license, granola suburban princesses who dress like they’re living in the Sixties, Must-See TV, and the WB network

If you had a dog, what would you name it? Uncle Morty

If you were a superhero, cape or no cape? Cape

Favorite president: Grover Cleveland (C’mon, his name is Grover)

Most important issue facing the planet today: Lighten up!

Biggest farm animal you’ve ever seen: Elephant

Have you ever dyed your hair? No

Last sexual encounter: Read the book, baby!

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